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When Love Meets Fear: How to Become Defense-Less and Resource-Full |
Author: David Richo
Published: 1997-05 |
List price: $16.95
Our price: $11.53
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As of: January 07th, 2009 06:02:15 PM
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Customer comments on this selection.
 One of the best!!!
I have not even read half of this book yet, and I can already say that it has helped me change my self and my life. It has such insight and wisdom in it - I can't say enough about how wonderful it is. I have been working on the issues in this book for around twenty years, and I only wish I had bought it twenty years ago. If you are dealing with any of the problems this book is about (and if you are human, you probably are to some degree), do yourself a favor and get this book!
Richo's best book
Having first read Richo's "How to be an Adult," calling When Love Meets Fear: How to Become Defense-Less and Resource-Full his "best book" is quite a statement. The former is a wonderful and life changing tome that teaches the keys to meaningful relationships with others.
When Love Meets Fear builds on that message with a book expressly on the subject of fear. The root of anger, frustration and stonewalling in relationships, understanding and accepting our fear is our greatest journey in life.
One caution: This book takes many sittings to read properly. I was able to read only a few pages then I needed to put the book down and spend a day or two thinking about what I had just read. Almost like magic, I found myself time and again reading just the few pages I most needed to hear as I worked my way through.
Too often Gender biased
In beginning to read the orientation, it turned me off completely when it began with the fear of females. It's so overdone. But hasn't been tackled is the fear of men who have a completely different style when they meet fear, and often become aggressive because of it. Is there any more insulting rejection to a women than hearing, "there are plenty of more fish in the sea?" This proves not only the lack of integrity of the presumed lover but also the lack of mature perspective in appreciating the fact of one so committed and enamored. Just as men prefer to be the "one and only," so also women expect to be the "one and only." The fear of being alone doesn't necessarily produce the anxiety of feeling excluded if the flaws are seen in those who exhibit them, and operate more as malice than rejection. There is a huge difference. Faced with love that is generated within, and not because of trophyism and a misperception of external comfort may be frightening to men because it makes them dependent on the emotional consistency of that secure feeling, and delight in its glory. Fear of loss inevitably follows. But mature love accepts loss graciously in knowing that if love is not reciprocal within the range of adequacy deemed honorable and pure, generated from inside not outside, the result of well considered contemplation of strengths as well as weaknesses, flaws as well as perfections, the result hopefully of a really long and committed second, third or fourth look. Most of the rest is merely the passing of time for lifestyle comfort, and always subject to a tenuous existence, focusing upon quantity not quality of the relationship. It is the reason women wait, and it is the reason men refrain from being steered to other momentary pleasures. Isn't all real love like that?
If you live in fear order this today!
I cannot say enough good things about this book. I have tried a lot of self-help techniques but the ones contained in this book are unlike any I've encountered.The biggest lesson I got out of this book is that so many of our problems nowadays occur because we had painful experiences earlier in life but instead of facing them and accepting the ramifications - we chose to lie to ourselves instead. Richo explains the most common lies: life is just, suffering is avoidable, things don't change, etc. I understand from this book that it is much better to just experience those original painful feelings instead of spending your life overanalyzing every minute of every day trying to make the world something it is not.
The key to life.
This book simply explains the key to happiness. It is to let go of our fears, which is at the root of unhappiness, hate, aggression, apathy, and everything negative in the world. Once we are able to do that, we can open our hearts and embrace each other with love, respect, empathy, hope and forgiveness. It is a simple idea but something very difficult to do because our fears run very very deep within us all. Once we are able to do this to some extent, we try to help others do the same. It is simply the mission of all of our lives, whether we are aware of it or not. When you think about it, nothing else really matters as much. This is what this book tries to help us understand. It is a wonderful message! In another excellent book called "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato, the author explains how this works in relation to human development and evolution. It shows us how we consciously begin living this life when we are naturally ready for it. These books are absolutely exquisite!
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